Dysfunctional family: Growing up in a dysfunctional family.

Whenever she shares the sip of caffeine validating the whole universe under the twinkling sky, the conversation ends with, “Why my family is dysfunctional?”

She’s filled with the trepidation of visiting home. And tired of facing the same regular endless arguments that end on the blame game. Actually, sometimes….the loud scene!! The Reality: Me and Spotlight

Are you filled with dread thought of going home? Or, else you feel neglected around your own people, kind of unaddressed fear, furious one…!!

It seems everyone claims to be from a dysfunctional family. (The short brief of Her is explained here.) And the rest of souls are wondering trying to win the battle of the most comforting one, yet not.

Family

The relation united by blood initially, for you. It gets ties with marriage, adoption, and a lot of interaction.

Family, a single unit that holds the power to influence an individual’s life. The environment where an individual learns to love, care, affection. And the sense of Self building, the whole foundation for the rest of life.

The first place to differentiate on “holding hands and the red bleeding” followed by the trust and the expectations and moral code.

Not surprisingly, the way of upbringing can have a considerable impression on a child’s development and growth. A child growing up in a dysfunctional family with multiple negative influencing factors are deserving mercy. And an innocent bud.

S/he doesn’t have anything exciting to demand except the sharing of love they see on school gates.

How can you tell your family is dysfunctional? — and this is the time you really need to explore the world.

Wait-hold on, Ever you lied to your friends about the family condition — everyone does that, actually true.

And, what about your neglected thoughts and feelings that are possibly going to outburst someday probably in a violent way…!! Ever you tried to have a fruitful discussion from your level?

What is a dysfunctional family?

Everyone has their own story when it comes to family. No Family is PERFECT. And, the expectation of perfection is wholly unrealistic. There’s no perfect exist.

And, all families experience some level of dysfunction either on natural terms or on created.

Dysfunctional family, a family with multiple conflicts, rivalries, domestic violence, misbehavior. And a lot of terms that contribute to creating a toxic environment.

She adds, there remains a tremendous amount of emotional disturbance and mental illness resulting in abusing and holding grudges.

The flower who is yet to bloom facing the rays thinks this is normal — the emotional skirmish is absolutely normal.

She says, she grew up in an environment where her needs are unaddressed and criticized, and abused. She gets compared with the rest of her cousins considering the grades. And the thing she got after all this is low self-esteem, no confidence. And obviously a lot of self-doubts.

Growing up in a dysfunctional family can leave you emotionally traumatized with a lot of shortcomings that you have to confront.

The main thing to remember is — the word dysfunctional is associated with multiple negative influences either internal or external. And they affect every bond created under one roof.

The common characteristics of a dysfunctional family,

There’s a lot of things in common. But I personally believe these are the ones that need to discuss as earlier.

• Lack of communication, The argument-the loud argument, blame game-the abuse one. And turning the faces with unheard and unspoken words is not what communication means. If there’s no sense of understanding among, no point in keeping the opinion.

No one wants to discuss the real issue. Everyone just sweeps somewhere under the floor, stretching the unnecessary previous one and raising voices.

• Addiction, there exist many forms of addiction. But all that leads to unhealthy relationships. And the children witnessing their parents getting vulnerable due to some kind of addiction leaves the imprint strongly on heart and mind.
• Controlling behavior and Perfectionism, The spoiling of a relationship begins when you start controlling the opposite one with questing perfection.

Often the controlling behavior of parents kills the essence of a child brutally somewhere in the growing phase resulting in self-doubt.

Instead of imparting the importance of uninvited failure, they end up putting pressure. And sadly, they remain clueless when they find their little one hanging.-God bless them!!

• Criticism, the children growing in the messed-up family are constantly being criticized. And compared for their abilities. The first one is the school report card which comes with a lot of taunts, and loud voices, and yea, physical one too.

The effects of growing up in a dysfunctional family,

The one who claims to be is well known about the effects they are living and struggling. Unfortunately, they won’t discuss anything except promising themselves that they won’t let it happen with their little ones. And that’s the change they are inviting.

No wonder, there is a substantial negative vibe. All that negativity results in mistrust. Despise, personality disorder, and a whole insecure individual.

They may exhibit self-harm or prone to addiction. Or else can suffer from mental issues at a very young age.

Overcoming seems challenging but it’s not impossible. Initially, you don’t find any differences but gradually with the time you choose to evolve. That takes spunk and patience to heal.

Ways to Deal

Once you have identified the characteristics of dysfunctional, the first step is to accept. And realize the fact and you must start by healing the old grounded wounds and unaddressed ones.

You won’t succeed overnights. But definitely, you will. You just need to express yourself in the way you want with the close ones. Or the one in the family with whom you are close.

Don’t be the one who accepts every evil, at least speak. Make the first move and take the responsibility to cultivate love and trust. It’s not easy to grow trust and the table discussion but at least trying is better than sweeping under the rug.

You can learn and practice the skills that you never gained from your place and that includes communication, listening, and understanding. You can grow more and more the way you want accepting every little imperfection even if that’s the messed-up family.

She accepted it and choose to move on. It’s not like she did it magically but yes the suffering exceeds her own limit.

Don’t forget, there is a lot of help around you. You can seek if you need. But just don’t be settled in less. Or, ignore just because you’re not going to live there. Dealing with the fluctuations of a dysfunctional family initiates with you. So, let it find the way of change. Lastly, professional help is still there my dear.

For more, check out the link, https://journeyofpg.com/2021/02/dysfunctional-family-growing-up-in-a-dysfunctional-family/